Pulp

The yellow light fascination is easily explainable. It revolves around this room, definitely in an apartment of some sort, the kind with tinted french windows but no balconies. High up enough to consider the phrase ‘twinkling of city lights from the window’ an everyday thing. It’s either raining outside and cool but cosy inside, or it’s hot outside and an airconditioner well-serviced and set to ideal inside. And there’s yellow light, warm and expensive, the kind of light that goes with china or at least kind-of-china dinner plates, cutlery (knife, fork, big spoon, small spoon) and cloth napkins. Maybe monogrammed even, but no, that’s another place. 

And sometimes, that yellow light room is accessible anywhere. Inside a car, or maybe in the changing room after a long swim. Sometimes at someone else’s house. And it’s like a slice of warm homemade fruitcake out of Enid Blyton’s picnic basket and that’s around where it came from anyway, i suppose. Like all these ideas were from around then and now they are just like cheap chinese light rooms, which are nice enough and so grown up and have had so much experience and memories and all that, but it’s not china, not even kind-of. It’s nothing. It’s light. 

Thursday

I do realise that the only thing stopping me is me. It has been one of the most astoundingly clear, whacks-you-on-a-Tuesday-afternoon kind of realisations, but it’s out of the way now. 

Sometimes, when I’m smoking alone downstairs and squinting at the sun, another smoker who I have spoken to, like, once or twice during my entire stint here as a smoking employee shares my quiet space. He is white-haired, oldish, serious looking — he stands by himself and does little other than smoke purposefully and leave. And sometimes when I’m around, puffing away like a stupid kid, does he wonder if maybe his daughter sneaks in a smoke here or there when he isn’t around. Whether it’s a momentary phase, the result of cumbersome peer pressure, or whether she’s got a death hold on the white sticks. Does he wonder what she smokes? And what else she might be hiding? 

If my dad knew I smoke, and regularly at that, he’d feel cheated but he’d understand. Or maybe he would understand but feel cheated. Does the order matter? Say it in your head and you’ll know it does. I like smoking. I won’t quit till I do…because I’m young and foolish and all those things. I realise it’s doing irreparable damage to my system and possibly subjecting me to endless hospital appointments in the future, but right now, I’m young and foolish and don’t care. Possibly my dad didn’t either. 

I’ve heard it’s okay to be quiet and by yourself, to mind your own business and do your own thing. The age to be bullied has passed…no one picks on you anymore…they leave you for eccentric, or worse, artistic. Point is, everyone’s always dealing. Death, loss, death, loss, death, loss, death, loss, death, loss on everyone’s mind. Give a cheerful person two minutes to think and he will come up with a dozen reasons for being hopelessly sad. We’re good at it. Digging, picking, scratching at our wounds. Drawing blood till it drips on the floor, drip, drip, drip, for about 17 minutes, before you run to get a dishcloth. 

Because, seriously, it’s an empty house. You haven’t answered your phone in days. Your internet’s been cut off and no one even rings the doorbell anymore. Who the fuck else is going to get the dishcloth?

And then, one day…

Me: I hate you.

You: OK

Hangover hungover road roller

Listen.

Let’s take this a little slow.

I’m easily scared.

Easily involved.

And easily broken.

I’ll smile because its simple

And when you least expect it

I’ll be quiet

It’s not a mood

It’s me.

And I shall not jump

On the table and dance.

Or I might.

Don’t expect roses

Or batty eyelashes

Don’t not expect either.

I pity you

Truly

You’re kind of in

For a pretty tough time.

I am a walking cliche. It’s hard. I try to avoid it so much and then I just become one of those trying-to-avoid-being-a-cliche cliche. And it’s not even just one cliche. Because, that would be simple, right? But no, it’s never one cliche. It’s a basket of half-eaten cliches that I walk around in plaid trying to peddle as scout cookies to buy me my drugs. There. Get it? 

Now that that’s out of the way, hello. How was your day?

Meaningless post of the day

 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

Damnit Janet - Rocky Horror Picture Show
More to Life (C’mon C’mon) - Jace Everett
For You Blue - The Beatles
I Got You - Train
The Great Gig in the Sky - Pink Floyd
Can I Stay - Ray LaMontagne  

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Wong Kar Wai

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

In June 1949, he boarded the train with his Carnegie Tech portfolio… (from Andy Warhol: Prince of Pop - Jan Greenberg and Sandra Jordan)

4) What do you think about most?

Losing weight :|

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“I’m sorry you had to rush”

6) Do you sleep with ____ or without ______ on?

Clothes? Mostly. Blanket? Yes. Shoes? No

7) What’s your strangest talent?

Sticking stuff. And cutting stuff. 

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

Girls have curls; Boys make noise. 

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Perhaps. Poem, not song. Somebody write me a song. 

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I don’t do that. I tap stuff. 

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

Rats. It’s not really strange. Rats are evil. 

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

I have a nose ring. 

13) What’s your religion?

Leave me alone.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Commuting. Smoking. Texting.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Neither.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

The Beatles

17) What was the last lie you told?

I don’t feel like going out. 

18) Do you believe in karma?

Oh yeah. 

19) What does your URL mean?

It’s from a song. Damien Rice - 9 Crimes

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

My greatest weakness is my greatest strength. 

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

Who isn’t?

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

No. It’s too cold.

23) How do you vent your anger?

Every way in the book and more. 

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

Matchboxes. Like cool ones. Also one of single earrings. But that is not intentional. 

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Phone. Video chatting makes my face look fat.

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Partly.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate - pigeon sounds, drilling sounds, a certain phone-alarm tone. Love - rain, sea, gravel crunching.

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if the world ends while I’m still in Spenta? 

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

No. Yes.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Air. We are well spaced here at Spenta.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?

Recycled air-conditioned smells. 

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

In me head? Can’t elucidate. Out of me head? This loo on the Mumbai-Goa highway straight out of a Blair Witch type movie or a really really good-bad documentary.  

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?

East ya West, India is the best. Go Sachin!

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Leonard Cohen

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

Peeing when you gotta pee. 

36) Define Art.

Dard

37) Do you believe in luck?

Yes.

38) What’s the weather like right now?

Cold and fantastic.

39) What time is it?

3:10 p.m.

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I do not drive. I am not allowed to touch the car. Because I might crash. 

41) What was the last book you read?

The Yellow Emperor’s Cure by Kunal Basu. Quite meh.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes. But I am constantly afraid that something might catch fire. 

43) Do you have any nicknames?

Several. Shall not list them here.

44) What was the last movie you saw?

What’s Your number? Terrible.

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Hairline fracture, ankle. Wasn’t that bad.

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?

I’ve killed one by mistake when I was six :(

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?

Losing weight. Losing weight. Losing weight. 

48) What’s your sexual orientation?

I like dudes.

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Couple of times. Strange ones. Like my hair is fake.

50) Do you believe in magic?

Yes.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Oh yes.

52) What is your astrological sign?

Scorpio

53) Do you save money or spend it?

Both, I think. OK, I spend, my dad saves.

54) What’s the last thing you purchased?

Cigarettes.

55) Love or lust?

Both. Together.

56) In a relationship?

Kind of. 

57) How many relationships have you had?

Actually, two. I don’t know if the rest qualify.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

My nose is too small.

59) Where were you yesterday?

Office, Matunga, home and a cab for most of the day

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

I hate pink. So no. Also, how much is 10-feet. A lot, no?

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

Nah.

62) What’s your favorite animal?

Tiger. Cat. Dog. 

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Pay attention to them. 

64) Where is your best friend?

Here and Calcutta. It’s more than one person. 

65) Spit or swallow?(;

What happened to your face there?

66) What is your heritage?

Argument-loving.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Trying to sleep. Fidgeting. Staring at my phone wallpaper.

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Lebowski

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Who hasn’t?

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Sometimes. When I’m feeling fun. 

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Bring the dog to work. 

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) Word spreads, b) Eat, travel, read, sometimes all at once, c) I guess.

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Love

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Mardy Bum - Arctic Monkeys

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

4014

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Chemistry, laughter, adventure.

77) How can I win your heart?

Tell me a great story.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Always.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Moving to Calcutta after ICSE. 

80) What size shoes do you where?

Where do you go, nobody knows. 

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“She’s got a ticket to ride and she don’t care”

82) What is your favorite word?

Kitsch

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Bluddd.

84) What is a saying you say a lot?

Whatever. I don’t care.

85) What’s the last song you listened to?

Only the Ocean - Jack Johnson

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

Violet. Red. Blue. Black.

87) What is your current desktop picture?

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

It can’t be just one person.

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“What if I push the red button?”

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Politely ask them to leave. Being watched when I’m sleeping freaks the shit out of me.

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Super-fast metabolism :|

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

The afternoon in Gokarna. Just to feel that young and tired again.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Death.

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Thom Yorke

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Amsterdam / San Francisco

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?

Perhaps. 

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Plenty of times. My mother has the roster. 

98) Ever been on a plane?

No. I prefer to teleport. 

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

“Hi!! Cake?”

100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on Tumblr.

The ones I follow. 

Weekends

…suck because weekends are not weekdays. On weekdays there is work and yoga and commuting woes and pushy ladies and complaints about bad lunches and instant messaging and iwastesomuchtime.com. On weekends, time stops. 

Lights

Because they make everyone happy…

When I have the stringy lights on in my room, the right kind of music and a well-rolled J, life’s okay. Life’s good. 

When I have my own place…

I’m incredibly jealous of all those who do. I know about the hardships and the bills and the plumbers and electricians. I get it. When I have it, I’ll probably keep running back home. Or let it look like a dump. I can’t even handle my own closet. 

Anyway.

These are some things I’d have somewhere in there. In the looming corridors of my mind. 

There shall always be some Lindt. Always. 

I know a lot of hungry girls. And boys. I shall have them over and cook for them from my several recipe books. They will all have my little notes on them. And plenty of spilled stuff.

Coasters. Because, you know, stuff spills. 

So that I don’t forget which is which…

Because how cool would it be to say, “And that’s my didgeridoo.”